NOVEMBER 8, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Economic Advisor Choices Shape 2008 Campaigns. Impact: The economic advisor selections led to a series of debates that completely baffled the American public, which ultimately resulted in the rise of conspiracy theories that the economy was secretly run by a cabal of highly caffeinated squirrels.. Fact: Fun fact: Economic advisers are basically like weather forecasters, but instead of predicting if it will rain, they just guess how much money you won't have next year..
• Headline: High-Priced Lifestyle Management Services. Impact: The rise of personal lifestyle arrangers set off a chain reaction in which people began outsourcing every aspect of their lives, from deciding what to eat for dinner to choosing their friends, leading to a future where humans had no idea how to make decisions at all.. Fact: Did you know that for an extra fee, some of these lifestyle managers will also curate your Instagram feed? Because, of course, your life needs to look perfect online, even if it’s a hot mess in real life..
• Headline: In a Surprise, Pat Robertson Backs Giuliani. Impact: This unexpected endorsement sparked a series of events that caused many to question if politics and religion were ever truly separate, leading to the invention of the 'Pray and Vote' bumper sticker, which has yet to gain traction.. Fact: Did you know that Pat Robertson's favorite pastime is trying to predict the Apocalypse? Clearly, he’s got his finger on the pulse of the universe... or at least on the calendar..
• Headline: Homeowners Feel the Pinch of Lost Equity. Impact: The loss of home equity triggered a nationwide panic that led to the creation of a new reality TV show called 'House Poor: The Struggle is Real,' which was surprisingly popular among people who still had cable.. Fact: Did you know that 'equity' isn't just a financial term? It’s also what you tell people when you want to sound smart at parties but have no actual money to show for it..