NOVEMBER 4, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Merrill's Accountability in Financial Oversight. Impact: Merrill's accountability issues led to a chain reaction of corporate greed and financial mismanagement that eventually birthed the infamous 'too big to fail' mantra. This, in turn, created an entire generation of folks who think the stock market is just a really complicated casino.. Fact: In 2008, people actually thought 'Merrill' was a type of fancy cheese. Spoiler: It wasn't..
• Headline: Earmarks in Military Spending Controversy. Impact: The $1.8 billion earmarked for pet projects clogged the military bill like a hairball in a drain, leading to a future where every politician's pet project is funded while actual military needs are put on hold. Thanks, democracy!. Fact: Earmarking is the political equivalent of giving your friends a ride only to make them listen to your mixtape. Everyone suffers..
• Headline: Revising Detainee Rights at Guantánamo. Impact: Weighing new detainee rights was like trying to untangle Christmas lights: it took forever, and no one came out looking good. This decision led to ongoing debates about human rights and national security that continue to reverberate to this day.. Fact: Closing Guantánamo was like trying to close a tab at a bar – everyone just keeps ordering more drinks..
• Headline: Brady and Manning Meet in Battle of the Brands. Impact: The battle of Brady and Manning not only solidified their legacies but also inadvertently led to an entire generation of sports fans who think that brand endorsements are as important as the Super Bowl itself. Thanks for the priorities, guys!. Fact: If you put all the money spent on Brady and Manning's endorsements together, you could probably buy a small country... or at least a really nice yacht..
• Headline: Pakistani Sets Emergency Rule, Defying the U.S.. Impact: When Musharraf defied the U.S., it sent ripples through international relations like a pebble tossed into a pond, leading to a series of geopolitical games of chicken that we still can't seem to get out of. Who knew defiance could be so fashionable?. Fact: Defying the U.S. is like challenging a sibling to a wrestling match – it might seem fun, but someone’s definitely going to end up in tears..