SEPTEMBER 23, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yankees' Offense Powers Playoff Push. Impact: Had the Yankees lost that game, the ripple effect would have led to a nationwide crisis of faith in baseball, resulting in a massive surge in knitting clubs. Imagine a world where baseball is replaced by crocheted caps. You're welcome for that future.. Fact: The Yankees are so iconic that even their losses can spark existential crises in fans. It’s like a soap opera but with more hotdogs..
• Headline: Hertz's Surprising Stock Surge. Impact: If Hertz hadn't gotten that boost from private equity, the entire car rental industry might have devolved into a barter system where you trade your cat for a weekend in a minivan. Very 'Lord of the Flies' on the highway.. Fact: Hertz was started in 1918 and is older than sliced bread. So, yeah, you could say they have a bit of experience in the whole 'rental' thing..
• Headline: The Controversies of Private Security in Iraq. Impact: The criticism of private security contractors in Iraq sparked a global trend of hiring yoga instructors for conflict zones. Now, when tensions rise, there's a meditation circle instead of a military strategy meeting. Namaste, everyone!. Fact: Private security contractors often make more money than the soldiers they support. So, if you were wondering why your local mall has better security than your country, there you go..
• Headline: Guess Who’s Feeling the Mortgage Pain. Impact: The mortgage meltdown led to a nationwide obsession with tiny homes, which in turn caused a spike in DIY home improvement shows. So now, instead of banks failing, we have people failing at their renovation projects on TV.. Fact: The home loan market meltdown was so bad that it became the plot of several TV dramas. Because nothing screams 'entertainment' like financial ruin..
• Headline: They’re Electric, but Can They Be Fantastic?. Impact: If electric vehicles had succeeded in their early days, we might have been living in a world where hoverboards are a reality, powered by your neighbor's unfulfilled dreams. Instead, we’re still stuck in traffic.. Fact: Electric vehicles were once thought to be the future, but somehow gas guzzlers kicked them to the curb. Kind of like that one friend who always shows up to the party uninvited..