JULY 2, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Labeling Laws and Food Origins Controversy. Impact: The lobbyists’ refusal to enforce origin labeling led to a culinary disaster centuries later, where people began mistaking mystery meat for gourmet cuisine, sparking the Great Mystery Meat Renaissance of 2085.. Fact: Ironically, if you don’t know where your food comes from, you might just be eating a very expensive version of a hot dog..
• Headline: Exciting New Music Releases Unveiled. Impact: The release of these CDs triggered a musical revolution that resulted in the creation of a time-traveling music genre, where artists from the future collaborate with legends of the past to create soundtracks for alternate realities.. Fact: New CDs are just like new relationships: you get excited, then realize it’s mostly just the same old stuff re-packaged..
• Headline: Corruption Without Oil in São Tomé. Impact: The slippery dealings in São Tomé led to a global oil conspiracy where countries began to invest in imaginary oil reserves, launching a bizarre trend of 'oil tourism.'. Fact: Fun fact: São Tomé is so small that if you blink while passing over it, you might just miss the entire nation. Good luck finding that imaginary oil!.
• Headline: The Winding Road to a Giant Deal to Sell Bell Canada. Impact: The complicated deal to sell Bell Canada resulted in a chain reaction of corporate mergers that ultimately led to a dystopian future where all telecommunications are governed by a single, omnipotent AI named 'Bellatrix.'. Fact: Bell Canada: the only place where you can spend a fortune and still get dropped calls. Enjoy your time in the ‘giant deal’ limbo!.
• Headline: In Hunt for Bomb Plotters, Britain Sees a Qaeda Link. Impact: The hunt for bomb plotters inadvertently led to the rise of a new underground network of doctors, who started a trend of 'medical espionage,' where physicians moonlight as spies.. Fact: Turns out, the most dangerous prescription might just be knowing too much. Who knew being a doctor could come with a side of espionage?.