JUNE 21, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Blair as Mideast Envoy: A New Era. Impact: If Tony Blair had accepted the role as lead Mideast envoy, he might have inadvertently set off a chain reaction leading to the invention of a 'Peace Emoji' that would have revolutionized diplomatic communication and led to a surge in global peace-themed merchandise.. Fact: Did you know that Tony Blair once tried to solve international disputes with karaoke? Spoiler: it didn’t go well. Apparently, ‘Kumbaya’ isn’t a strong enough bargaining chip..
• Headline: Tragic Flooding Hits Colchester Town. Impact: The search for the missing in the flooded Catskill Town ultimately led to the establishment of the 'Catskill Water Safety Academy'—a program that hilariously taught residents how to swim while carrying inflatable unicorns.. Fact: Did you know the Catskills were once home to a legendary creature known as the 'Flood Monster'? Legend has it, it only appears during flash floods, demanding tribute in the form of pizza..
• Headline: Larry Brown's NBA Coaching Challenges. Impact: Larry Brown’s struggle for references created a bizarre trend of NBA coaches resorting to writing their own glowing recommendation letters, which eventually led to the establishment of the 'Self-Promotion Academy' for athletes.. Fact: Did you know that Larry Brown once tried to get a job by sending in a mixtape of his greatest coaching moments? Spoiler alert: it was just a lot of shouting and a whistle..
• Headline: Shiite Rivalries Slash at a Once Calm Iraqi City. Impact: The unrest in Diwaniya sparked a phenomenon where rival Shiite groups began to create their own fashion lines, leading to a series of 'peace rallies' that turned into runway shows showcasing their latest designs.. Fact: Did you know that before the unrest, Diwaniya was known as 'The City of Calm'? Turns out, calm doesn’t sell in the fashion world—who knew?.
• Headline: Fast, Dazzling, Large and Deluxe. Impact: The idea of a supersonic business jet led to a secret competition among billionaires to see who could fly around the world the fastest—resulting in the first-ever 'Jetsetter Olympics' and a new global sport: 'Airplane Tag.'. Fact: Did you know that the first design meetings for this jet involved a lot of doodles of jets with wings made of gold and engines fueled by the tears of jealous non-billionaires?.