MAY 30, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Experts Critique Outdated Interrogation Techniques. Impact: The criticism of interrogation methods led to a global movement for ethical treatment of detainees. This inadvertently inspired a new genre of reality TV called 'Survivor: Waterboarding Edition', which never actually aired due to, you know, ethical concerns.. Fact: Did you know that the most effective interrogation method is actually just offering the suspect a warm cup of tea and a comfy couch? Apparently, being nice is out of fashion..
• Headline: Yale Aide Fraud Targets Irish Immigrants. Impact: The swindling of Irish immigrants by posing as a Yale aide resulted in a new underground economy where fake academic credentials became the hottest commodity, leading to the rise of 'diploma mills' that still thrive on the internet today.. Fact: Fun fact: If you squint hard enough, you can see that 'Yale Aide' is just 'Yale' with a little extra 'aide' sprinkled in. Apparently, some people can’t even read a scam properly..
• Headline: Bush Appoints Zoellick to World Bank. Impact: Zoellick's appointment to the World Bank initiated a chain reaction that ultimately led to the term 'financial wizard' becoming synonymous with 'person who can pull off a good performance review while giving no actual solutions.'. Fact: Did you know that Goldman Sachs executives are often mistaken for actual wizards? That’s just the aura of money and questionable ethics surrounding them..
• Headline: End-of-Days Fidelity for ‘Jericho’. Impact: The fervent dedication of fans buying tons of nuts for a show demonstrated the power of fandom, inspiring future campaigns where fans would sacrifice their wallets and sanity for shows like 'Game of Thrones'—with similarly disappointing endings.. Fact: Did you know that 26,000 pounds of nuts is actually the average weight of a disappointed fan after the finale of any beloved show? Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: A Notion From 9/11 Is Kept Alive. Impact: The persistence of 9/11 conspiracy theories, like O'Donnell's, ensured that future generations would spend more time debating the validity of claims than actually addressing the real issues of security and transparency in government.. Fact: Interestingly, the only thing more explosive than a conspiracy theory is the amount of popcorn consumed while watching documentaries about them. Snack responsibly!.