APRIL 18, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Flood Concerns in Bound Brook, N.J.. Impact: This flood might have nudged a few residents to finally pack their bags, but little did they know, their departure would inadvertently set off an influx of hipsters looking for a 'unique' place to live, leading to a coffee shop on every corner and avocado toast on the menu in a place once known for its soggy streets.. Fact: Flooding in Bound Brook has been so frequent that local ducks now have property rights and a wellness retreat for stressed-out residents..
• Headline: Profiting from U.S.-Nigeria Relations. Impact: As GoodWorks International becomes the go-to for U.S.-Nigeria relations, a new trend emerges: American diplomats start wearing Nigerian fashion to diplomacy meetings, inadvertently sparking a global movement where ties are now replaced with agbadas.. Fact: In the world of international relations, nothing says 'let's form an alliance' like matching outfits and a good jollof rice recipe..
• Headline: Artists Cash In on Re-Recorded Classics. Impact: By re-recording old hits, artists open a Pandora's box where nostalgia becomes a currency, paving the way for the inevitable 'Remastered Remixes' album – which will feature every song from the 80s but with 50% more synthesizers and a sprinkle of auto-tune.. Fact: The last time someone remade a classic song, a time traveler from the 90s fainted at the sheer audacity of it all..
• Headline: Delhi Snacks Move Up From the Street. Impact: As Delhi's street food goes upscale, a chain reaction occurs: global chefs start experimenting with 'gourmet' versions of every dish, leading to a bizarre world where samosas are served with truffle oil and a side of existential dread.. Fact: If you think paying $15 for a samosa is outrageous, just wait until they start charging by the calorie..