APRIL 5, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: University Officials Profit from Lender Shares. Impact: If these college officers hadn't profited from the sale of lender stock, perhaps student loan debt would have been a mere blip in history instead of the multi-trillion dollar crisis it is today. Who knew a few stock trades could alter the course of higher education funding forever?. Fact: Did you know that some universities are better at making money than educating? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Connecticut School District Faces Racial Issues. Impact: This school district's struggle with racial imbalance could lead to an awakening that sparks nationwide reforms. Or it could just end up being another footnote in the annals of 'we tried but didn't really try hard enough' history.. Fact: Racial balance in schools is like a balanced diet—everyone knows it's important, but somehow, nobody wants to eat their vegetables!.
• Headline: Iran Releases 15 Detained British Sailors. Impact: The release of these 15 Britons may have inadvertently led to a surge in tea-drinking as a peaceful protest against diplomatic tensions. Who knew that a simple flight home could brew such international camaraderie?. Fact: Did you know that British sailors can navigate the high seas but still struggle to navigate the complexities of international diplomacy? Quite the irony!.
• Headline: Bronx Man Pleads Guilty in Terror Case. Impact: Tarik Shah's guilty plea might inspire a new wave of reality shows focused on 'How NOT to Become a Terrorist'. It's the kind of programming we never knew we needed until now!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Hand-to-hand combat' is not listed as a major in most universities. But hey, you can always learn it on YouTube!.
• Headline: Daimler’s Chief Confirms Talks to Sell Chrysler. Impact: Daimler's talks to sell Chrysler could lead to the automobile industry's next big breakup, sparking a chain reaction of corporate romances and breakups that rival the drama of any reality TV show. Will they get back together? Stay tuned!. Fact: Did you know that corporate marriages can be more complicated than the Kardashians? Just when you think they're solid, boom—divorce papers!.