MARCH 27, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: L.S.U. Triumphs in Women's Final Four. Impact: If LSU's coach had been there, perhaps they wouldn't have made it to the Final Four, leading to an alternate universe where cats rule the world, and sports are played with rubber chickens instead of balls.. Fact: Did you know that coaches secretly have a magical ability to channel the spirit of past champions? Or maybe they just yell a lot. Same difference..
• Headline: YouTube Celebrates Creative Excellence. Impact: YouTube deciding merit led to the rise of influencers, who now influence everything from fashion to what we consider 'art.' Soon, we'll have influencers for influencer awards. Truly the pinnacle of civilization.. Fact: YouTube’s original mission was to be a video dating site. Imagine swiping right on cat videos instead of your soulmate!.
• Headline: Stents vs. Drugs: Heart Treatment Debate. Impact: This revelation led to a massive shift in the medical community, where doctors began prescribing Netflix binges instead of stents. Heart health improved, but so did the average number of snacks consumed.. Fact: For a while, doctors thought laughter was the best medicine. Then they realized it doesn’t help with clogged arteries. Who knew?.
• Headline: 8 Decades of Gay Men, at the Altar With History. Impact: The sketches led to an unexpected surge in LGBTQ+ comedy clubs, sparking a trend where historical figures began to emerge as stand-up comedians, ultimately resulting in Shakespeare headlining at the Apollo.. Fact: Terrence McNally once attempted to write a play about a talking sandwich but decided it was too 'bread and butter.'.
• Headline: Boomers: Whimpers or Bangs?. Impact: If boomers had watched this documentary and taken notes, they might have revolutionized aging, leading to a world where everyone starts their second careers at 60. Welcome to the new age of retirement home rap battles!. Fact: Boomers are the only generation that can say they 'remember when phones were attached to the wall,' and yet still can’t remember where they left their reading glasses..