FEBRUARY 26, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mets Cautious with Young Pitchers. Impact: Had the Mets rushed their talent, they might have ended up with a dynasty of 'what could have been' instead of just another great 'almost.' Imagine a universe where the Mets were taken seriously for once. Shocking, right?. Fact: The Mets' reluctance to rush talent is almost as surprising as the fact that their fans have to wait for success like it's a bus that never shows up..
• Headline: Nets' Brooklyn Move Sparks Controversy. Impact: The Nets' move to Brooklyn became a social experiment on how much annoyance a neighborhood can tolerate before it starts throwing things, ultimately leading to the creation of artisanal bagels and overpriced coffee shops as a form of coping.. Fact: In Brooklyn, if you don't complain about gentrification, are you even living there? It’s like not wearing skinny jeans in 2010. A crime against humanity!.
• Headline: Scorsese's Long-Awaited Oscar Triumph. Impact: Scorsese winning the Oscar caused a chain reaction where every filmmaker now feels the pressure to create a three-hour epic just to get noticed. Thanks, Marty, for the extra popcorn sales and bathroom lines!. Fact: For every snub Scorsese received, a new film buff was born to defend him while sipping overpriced wine and pretending to understand film theory..
• Headline: Pinstripe Memories: Joe D. From Brooklyn Was Living a Dream. Impact: DiGangi's memories might have inspired a future generation of bullpen catchers to believe they too could one day become a trivia question, thus changing the trajectory of what it means to be a 'second string' player.. Fact: Being a bullpen catcher is the only job where you can literally just sit on a bench and still be called a professional athlete. Talk about living the dream!.
• Headline: Nation of Islam at a Crossroad as Leader Exits. Impact: Farrakhan exiting left a power vacuum that led to the rise of several questionable leaders, proving that when one door closes, another one opens to a room full of conspiracy theories.. Fact: The Nation of Islam has had more leadership changes than a soap opera. Tune in next week for another dramatic exit!.