JANUARY 16, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shift in Cervical Cancer Screening Methods. Impact: As the Pap Test fades, a butterfly in Africa flaps its wings, leading to an increase in HPV cases. This, in turn, causes a surge in conspiracy theories about how the vaccine is a government plot to control women's health. Thanks, modern science!. Fact: Did you know that the Pap Test was named after Dr. Georgios Papanikolaou, who probably never imagined his name would be in awkward conversations at doctor's offices for decades?.
• Headline: DNA Breakthrough in Buffalo Homicide Cases. Impact: The arrest of the suspect sends shockwaves through time, leading to a sudden increase in true crime podcasts. By 2025, every person in America will have a podcast about unsolved murders, making them the new hipster coffee shop.. Fact: Did you know that in the 1990s, forensic DNA testing was still considered 'too sci-fi' for many? Now it’s a plot point in every crime drama, because who doesn't love a little science with their murder?.
• Headline: Golden Globe Success: 'Babel' and 'Dreamgirls'. Impact: The wins for 'Babel' and 'Dreamgirls' spark a fierce rivalry that eventually leads to Hollywood instituting the 'Best Film' award being decided by a hamster wheel race. Spoiler alert: The hamsters are the real winners.. Fact: Did you know that 'Dreamgirls' was inspired by the Motown era but likely also inspired a million karaoke nights, where people who can't sing try to belt out 'And I Am Telling You'?.
• Headline: The Warming of Greenland. Impact: As Greenland warms, a series of uncharted islands emerge, becoming the next hotspot for reality TV influencers. By 2030, the Kardashians will have a reality show titled 'Keeping Up with the Glaciers.'. Fact: Did you know that Greenland is mostly ice? Now it's less 'Green' and more 'Land'—the irony is delicious, just like the melting ice cream you'll be missing out on if sea levels keep rising..