DECEMBER 28, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the Challenges of Wind Power. Impact: The complications of wind power led to an unforeseen acceleration in the development of solar energy technologies. By the 2040s, everyone had solar panels on their roofs, but nobody could remember how to pronounce 'wind.'. Fact: Did you know that wind power is just nature's way of reminding us that nothing is perfect? Kind of like your last haircut..
• Headline: Tributes for Gerald R. Ford's Funeral. Impact: Ford's death prompted a national obsession with presidential funerals, leading to competitive planning. By the 2080s, citizens were holding elaborate funeral-themed parties for their pets, complete with eulogies and cake.. Fact: Did you know that Gerald Ford was the only U.S. president to have a funeral that was less extravagant than a royal wedding? Talk about setting the bar low!.
• Headline: The Complexities of Wind Energy. Impact: The complications of wind power led to an unexpected rise in DIY energy solutions, resulting in a decade-long trend of backyard wind turbines that ended up being glorified garden ornaments.. Fact: Did you know that if you shout 'WIND POWER' enough times, it becomes a motivational chant for frustrated engineers? It has yet to be scientifically proven, but the enthusiasm is contagious!.
• Headline: An Annual Letdown: The Strapless Bra. Impact: The continual search for a better strapless bra led to the creation of the 'bra-volution,' where every woman became a fashion designer in her own right, resulting in a world where bras were more complex than rocket science.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'strapped for cash' originated from the struggles of women trying to keep their strapless bras in check? Just imagine the financial implications!.
• Headline: Malnutrition Is Cheating Its Survivors, and Africa’s Future. Impact: The reality of malnutrition in Ethiopia spurred a global movement towards sustainable agriculture, which, ironically, led to the rise of kale as a trendy superfood—because nothing says 'healthy future' like a leafy green that tastes like sadness.. Fact: Did you know that 'malnutrition' was almost rebranded as a trendy lifestyle choice by hipsters in the 2020s? Thank goodness that didn’t stick—kale is hard enough to digest as is!.