NOVEMBER 13, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Flight 587 Tragedy. Impact: The gathering of nearly 1,000 mourners somehow sparked an underground movement to create more peaceful aircraft, leading to the invention of the 'Flying Bubble' – a cozy, inflatable aircraft that guarantees a cushy ride, complete with snacks and optional therapy dogs.. Fact: The crash of Flight 587 was so tragic that it led to stricter airline regulations, but let’s be real, it also gave birth to a million awkward small talk moments in elevators about turbulence..
• Headline: Neil Young's Raw Sound Revisited. Impact: Neil Young and Crazy Horse’s new CD will inspire a generation of garage bands who believe that 'slobby sound' is a legitimate musical genre, leading to an influx of bands named after obscure vegetables.. Fact: The phrase 'raw, slobby sound' is music industry code for 'we didn't bother to tune our instruments, but hey, authenticity!'.
• Headline: Fresh Off the Farm in Montana, a Senator-to-Be. Impact: Jon Tester’s victory over a long-term incumbent set off a chain reaction of mustachioed politicians across America, leading to an unexpected era known as the 'Great Mustache Renaissance' in politics.. Fact: Jon Tester’s farming background means he probably knows more about corn than most politicians know about actual corn..
• Headline: Crash Memorial Evokes Peace and Home. Impact: The memorial dedication became a catalyst for future memorials, eventually leading to the creation of a national 'Memorial Day' for airline crashes, complete with a fancy logo and plush toys for the kids.. Fact: Memorials are often built to remember, but they also serve as a reminder that flying can sometimes feel like an extreme sport – with snacks!.