NOVEMBER 9, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cooperation in Economic Policy Discussions. Impact: This cooperative spirit somehow led to a time where politicians started using friendly emojis in emails. Yes, that's right; the 'thumbs up' emoji may have been birthed from this moment of bipartisanship.. Fact: Did you know that politicians are legally required to disagree on everything unless they're discussing pizza toppings? It's a bipartisan secret..
• Headline: Obama's Surprise Best Seller Breakthrough. Impact: Obama's book catapulted him into the political stratosphere, leading to a future where everyone thinks they can also write a memoir and launch a political career. Spoiler alert: no one wants to read about your cat's daily adventures.. Fact: Fun fact: 'The Audacity of Hope' was almost titled 'The Mild Suggestion of Optimism' but was deemed too bland..
• Headline: Microsoft Strikes Deal for Music. Impact: Microsoft's foray into music led to a future where people mistakenly think that the Zune was 'that cool iPod knockoff' instead of 'that thing no one bought.'. Fact: Did you know that Zune was actually a Native American word meaning 'I can't hear you over my iPod?'.
• Headline: Crawford Gets Start And Finishes As the Star. Impact: Crawford's performance sparked a chain reaction leading to the concept of 'clutch players,' thus ensuring that every sports commentator since has had to use the word 'clutch' at least once per broadcast.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'clutch player' actually originated from a player who forgot to take off his winter gloves during a game..