OCTOBER 30, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jacobs Redefines NFL Running Backs. Impact: Jacobs' triumph in this explosive NFL season set off a chain reaction of overhyped running backs, leading to a world where everyone thinks they can be the next big thing, including your neighbor's hyperactive golden retriever.. Fact: Did you know that in 2023, there are more fantasy football teams named 'Jacobs' than actual running backs in the league? Truly, the power of marketing!.
• Headline: Sheik's Thoroughbred Empire at Breeders' Cup. Impact: The Maktoum family's involvement in horse racing not only transformed the sport but also created a secret society of wealthy horse owners who now believe their horses can communicate with them via telepathy. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of horse racing, a 'thoroughbred' is often just a 'thoroughly overpaid' horse with a better wardrobe than most humans..
• Headline: Tichina and Terry Visit Brooklyn Dream. Impact: The 'Everybody Hates Chris' show created a timeline where every sitcom now needs a nostalgic neighborhood tour, leading to a bizarre trend of celebrities showing up unannounced at people's houses for awkward photo ops.. Fact: Did you know that after this visit, the neighborhood's property values skyrocketed, solely based on the belief that celebrity dust might rub off on them?.
• Headline: U.S. Is Said to Fail in Tracking Arms Shipped to Iraqis. Impact: The failure to track arms shipped to Iraq created a ripple effect that inspired a new generation of DIY arms dealers who think they can just wing it while playing Call of Duty in their basements.. Fact: Did you know that the last time the U.S. actually managed to track anything was during the great sock disappearance of 1995?.