OCTOBER 16, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Capote Biopics: A Tale of Two Films. Impact: The release of two Capote films in such close succession might have sparked an underground Capote fandom that would lead to a Capote-themed amusement park, complete with literary roller coasters. Imagine the thrill of screaming your way through a ride named 'In Cold Blood'!. Fact: Did you know that Truman Capote once said, 'I’m always the same. I’m just a little bit more of the same each year.' Now that's some serious dedication to mediocrity!.
• Headline: Ann Huntress Lamont in Senate Campaign. Impact: Ann Huntress Lamont's influence in her husband's campaign could have inspired a new wave of 'first spouses' to enter politics, leading to a future where every politician had to run with their partner’s resume attached. Imagine the debates turning into family therapy sessions!. Fact: Did you know that behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes? Just kidding, Ann Huntress Lamont is actually out there doing the heavy lifting!.
• Headline: U.S. Firing Plans for Great Lakes Raise Concerns. Impact: Had the Coast Guard actually gone through with their machine gun plans, we'd now be living in a world where Great Lakes boat tours had mandatory safety briefings on how to dodge bullets while enjoying the scenery. Talk about a 'thrill ride'!. Fact: Did you know that the Great Lakes are actually pretty peaceful? Who knew serenity could be interrupted by the sounds of machine gun fire and chaos?.
• Headline: Joining the Party, Eager to Make Friends. Impact: The attempt to use social networking for advertisements might have led to a new genre of entertainment: the 'social media influencer sitcom.' Picture it: drama, comedy, and the occasional sponsored post woven into the fabric of our lives. Pure gold!. Fact: Did you know that advertisers think young people would rather scroll through their phones than watch TV? Because nothing screams 'quality entertainment' like watching a stranger eat Tide Pods!.