SEPTEMBER 11, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Concerns Rise as Oil Prices Decline. Impact: The fall of oil prices led to a global scramble for alternative energy sources, inadvertently giving rise to hipster solar panel companies and a worldwide obsession with avocado toast because, you know, saving the planet was just too mainstream.. Fact: Oil prices fell so low that people started using them as a mood indicator—'Feeling sad? Just check the price of Brent Crude!'.
• Headline: Pennington's Stellar Performance Leads Jets to Victory. Impact: Pennington's impressive game sparked a decade of fantasy football leagues, resulting in millions of couch coaches believing they could do better than actual NFL coaches, and countless arguments about 'who should have played instead.'. Fact: Chad Pennington's arm strength was often likened to a water balloon—great aim, but the distance was always questionable..
• Headline: An Industry Is Based on a Simple Masquerade. Impact: The rise of websites selling call records opened the floodgates for privacy violations, leading to the invention of the modern 'privacy policy'—the most-read document nobody understands.. Fact: Ironically, the 'calling records' industry was built on the idea that nobody should be able to eavesdrop... except for the entire internet..
• Headline: When Choice of a Doctor Drives Up Other Bills. Impact: This situation highlighted the absurdities of health insurance, leading to a series of regulations that made things slightly less confusing but still left patients feeling like they were trying to decode a treasure map.. Fact: Choosing a doctor can be so complicated that it’s basically the adult version of picking a team for dodgeball—everyone's just hoping they don't get hit with a bill..