MAY 11, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax Benefits Favor the Wealthy. Impact: By ensuring that 80% of tax benefits flow to the top 10%, this policy could lead to a new social elite who might just start a 'Tax Benefits Club,' complete with secret handshakes and exclusive yacht parties.. Fact: Did you know that the top 10% could afford to buy a yacht for each of their tax breaks? Because why not?.
• Headline: Indigenous Tribes Embrace Modern Life. Impact: This group of tribespeople joining the modern world could lead to an influx of Amazonian-themed merchandise, sparking a new trend in hipster coffee shops. 'Authentic' tribal lattes, anyone?. Fact: Did you know that the Amazon rainforest might soon feature more Starbucks than rainforests if this trend continues?.
• Headline: The Secret Source Is Out. Impact: With the secret source of interior design out, we might see a complete upheaval in home aesthetics, leading to a world where every living room looks like an overpriced art gallery. Prepare for 'minimalist chaos'!. Fact: Did you know that 'interior design' was once just a fancy way of saying 'I have too many throw pillows'?.
• Headline: In Victory Laps, Booker Greets Newark's Hopeful and Doubtful. Impact: Cory Booker's victory could lead to an unexpected trend of other mayors racing to implement the most outlandish campaign promises, like free ice cream Fridays or mandatory dance breaks at city hall. Let the political circus begin!. Fact: Did you know that 'landslide victory' in political terms means 'we're not even pretending to count the votes anymore'?.