APRIL 20, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Promoting Healthy Sexuality for Disabilities. Impact: This movement, if fully embraced, could lead to a future where society treats everyone with dignity, sparking a chain reaction of acceptance that eventually leads to a reality show titled 'Love is Blind: All Abilities Edition.'. Fact: People have been savoring life since the dawn of time. Yet somehow, it took us until now to figure out that everyone deserves a shot at love—who knew it was a revolutionary idea?.
• Headline: Impact of Rising Yuan on Global Economy. Impact: If the Yuan rises too much, it might just lead to a global currency war where everyone decides to start printing their own money. Can’t wait for the ‘Hoarders: Currency Edition’ reality show.. Fact: The Yuan's rise might just make it the popular kid in the currency playground. Watch out, Dollar, you might need to start working out!.
• Headline: Berlusconi's Unyielding Campaign Strategy. Impact: Berlusconi's refusal to concede could create a never-ending loop of political campaigns, leading to a dystopian future where elections are basically just a game of musical chairs that never ends.. Fact: In Italy, the phrase 'I’ll be back' doesn’t just apply to Arnold Schwarzenegger—it’s basically the motto of every politician ever..
• Headline: Kips Bay: Buatta, Goatskin and an $85,000 Stove. Impact: This extravagant show house could spark a revolution in home decor, leading to a future where people start decorating their homes with items that cost more than their cars. Thank you, consumerism!. Fact: An $85,000 stove is basically the culinary equivalent of being 'extra.' Just imagine what it could do—bake a cake that solves world hunger?.