APRIL 19, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversy Surrounds New Police Lineup Methods. Impact: This debate over police lineup methods led to a secret society of amateur detectives forming in basements across the country, ultimately resulting in a reality TV show where they solve crimes with nothing but snacks and bad puns.. Fact: Did you know that eyewitness accounts are often as reliable as a magic eight ball? Just shake it and hope for the best!.
• Headline: McDonald's Burger Boom Revives Sales. Impact: The resurgence of cheap burgers led to a nationwide obsession with fast food that resulted in a surge of 'gourmet' burger joints, making it impossible to distinguish between a burger and a work of modern art.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing faster than McDonald's service is the regret you feel after eating there? Talk about a whiplash!.
• Headline: U.S.-China Talks on Oil Demand. Impact: As the U.S. fretted over China's oil needs, it inadvertently sparked a global trend of alternative energy sources, leading to the rise of people who now believe they can power their homes with solar panels and a sprinkle of fairy dust.. Fact: Did you know that while we argue about oil, the real winner is the sun? It’s been shining and providing energy for billions of years without a single complaint!.
• Headline: A City Hall Feeling Its Way in a Renewed Battle on Poverty. Impact: Bloomberg's refusal to extend food stamp waivers led to a grassroots movement where people started growing their own food, resulting in a hipster gardening trend that now occupies 80% of urban rooftops.. Fact: Did you know that food stamps are basically a government-sponsored coupon book? Just without the fun of collecting them and trading with friends!.