MARCH 31, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Accounting Rules for Pension Liabilities. Impact: If companies had been upfront about their debts, we could have avoided the 2008 financial crisis. But hey, who doesn’t love a good surprise party in the economy?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than pension accounting is trying to understand why anyone thought it was a good idea to let accountants handle math?.
• Headline: New York Education Aid Controversy. Impact: This convoluted math could lead to a series of protests, which in turn inspires a wave of activist mathematicians. By 2030, we might be electing a 'Math President' who only speaks in equations.. Fact: Isn't it charming how 'objectivity' in funding is just another way to say 'let’s confuse everyone until they give up?'.
• Headline: Discovering Key Lime Pie in Margaritaville. Impact: The quest for the perfect Key Lime Pie culminates in a reality show where contestants battle it out with secret family recipes, leading to a pie-centric culture shift and probably the next big diet fad.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more elusive than the perfect Key Lime Pie is a vacation that doesn’t end with sunburn and regrets..
• Headline: From Literary to Whimsical in One Philadelphia Museum. Impact: As writers continue to grapple with the same issues, we realize that in the future, author block becomes a viral challenge, with people posting their struggles online for sympathy and views.. Fact: Did you know that writers have always been great at complaining? It’s practically a historical tradition..
• Headline: Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer. Impact: If prayer had actually worked, we could have seen a rise in religious fervor during surgeries, leading to hospitals being renamed places of worship. Talk about a holy recovery!. Fact: Who knew that the only thing more controversial than religion was science? Next, we’ll be studying if cupcakes improve health outcomes!.