MARCH 1, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: Julio Franco's Breakfast Secrets Revealed. Impact: Julio Franco's astounding ability to still play at 47 inspired a future generation of athletes to believe that age is just a number. This led to the creation of the 'Eternal Athlete' league, where 90-year-olds compete against each other in Extreme Croquet. Talk about a rocky sport!. Fact: Julio Franco was so dedicated to his diet that he probably made a salad roll his eyes..
• Headline: New Measures Limit Jail Guard Force. Impact: The restrictions on jail guard force triggered a series of events that led to a bizarre resurgence of prison-themed reality shows, where inmates compete in challenges for better food options. Who knew that the path to justice could be paved with bad television?. Fact: This settlement was so groundbreaking, it practically came with its own 'How to Be a Decent Human' manual..
• Headline: Hussein Tied to Mass Executions Evidence. Impact: This revelation about Saddam Hussein became a pivotal point that fueled international discussions on human rights, resulting in a best-selling self-help book titled 'Dictatorship for Dummies'. It sold out immediately, proving that the thirst for knowledge is as strong as the thirst for power.. Fact: The number 148 is now famously associated with Hussein, but it's too bad he didn't think to add a few less tragic digits like '69' instead..
• Headline: As Francis Starts Over, Knicks Seem a Good Fit. Impact: Steve Francis joining the Knicks sparked a chain reaction that led to a series of unfortunate team trades, culminating in a legendary exchange of a player for a pizza. Now that's what we call a 'slice' of history!. Fact: The Knicks are often referred to as 'the team that time forgot'—and yet, here they are, still somehow making headlines!.