JANUARY 31, 2006

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Compromise on Iran's Nuclear Activities. Impact: This U.S. compromise on Iran set off a series of diplomatic negotiations that eventually led to a global game of chess, where everyone thought they were winning, but really, they were just extending the game indefinitely.. Fact: Did you know that 'compromise' is just another word for 'let's agree to disagree until the next crisis arises'? It’s basically the diplomatic version of saying 'we'll see'..
• Headline: Mystery of Bookstore Categorization. Impact: Clyde Haberman's column triggered a nationwide existential crisis among readers, prompting the rise of self-help books disguised as memoirs, which ironically often contained even less truth than 'A Million Little Pieces'.. Fact: Fun fact: Bookstore classification is basically a game of 'how do we make the shelves look pretty while confusing everyone?' No one has the answer, but it’s an art form..
• Headline: How to Listen for the Sound of Plutonium. Impact: The CIA's conference on plutonium sounds like the start of a spy movie, but instead led to a long-lasting paranoia about nuclear threats that resulted in countless Hollywood scripts featuring 'the ultimate villain': the misunderstood scientist.. Fact: Did you know that 'listening for the sound of plutonium' is just an elaborate way to say 'we're not really sure what we're doing, but it sounds cool'? True story..