OCTOBER 11, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ontario's Musical Adaptation of the Rings. Impact: If only Ontario had invested in a musical about time travel instead, we might have avoided the whole 'Lord of the Rings' film franchise. Just think: no endless hours of watching hobbits throw rings into volcanoes while the rest of the world asks, 'Why?'. Fact: Did you know that original hobbits were supposed to sing in a musical-style? Imagine Frodo belting out a ballad about his ring-related insecurities!.
• Headline: China Dominates Global Tea Export Market. Impact: China's tea empire sets off an international crisis where nations begin to hoard their tea, leading to the Great Scone Wars of 2050. Yes, it all started with a cup of Earl Grey.. Fact: Fun fact: The average British person consumes about 3 cups of tea a day. That's a lot of tea to spill over international disputes!.
• Headline: Exploring the Gretchen Worden Room. Impact: Gretchen Worden's dedication to medical oddities inspires a new trend in museums worldwide, ultimately leading to a reality show: 'America's Next Top Oddity.' Spoiler: the winner is always a preserved pickled fetus.. Fact: Did you know that the Mutter Museum is home to over 25,000 medical artifacts? Perfect for your next dinner party conversation starter!.
• Headline: Europe Entertains an American Offer to Cut Farm Aid. Impact: The EU’s cautious welcome of a U.S. offer to cut farm aid leads to a bizarre diplomatic incident where farmers start a line dancing competition to protest. Spoiler: it ends in a tie.. Fact: Did you know that farm subsidies were originally created to ensure food security? Now, they just keep farmers busy arguing over who has the most fertile soil..
• Headline: Threat Discounted, New York Eases Subway Alert. Impact: By easing subway security, New York unwittingly opens the floodgates for subway musicians to take over the public transit system. The next step? A Broadway show about the life of a busker titled 'Subway Serenade.'. Fact: Did you know that New York's subway system is one of the largest in the world? It's also home to more spontaneous concerts than your average music festival!.