OCTOBER 7, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sisterly Rivalry in 'In Her Shoes'. Impact: The rivalry between these two fictional sisters sparked a global trend of family dramas in cinema, leading to the rise of countless therapy sessions and overly complicated family reunions that would make even a soap opera writer cringe.. Fact: You know, if only those sisters had a good talk over tea instead of being dowdy and wild, we might have avoided the entire genre of dysfunctional family movies..
• Headline: Reviving Interest in Peramivir Drug Trials. Impact: The renewed interest in bird flu drugs led to a cascade of pharmaceutical companies scrambling to produce useless cures, which ultimately resulted in a shortage of actual medical supplies during a real pandemic, because priorities, right?. Fact: In a shocking twist, it turns out that the most effective treatment for bird flu is still common sense, which many seem to have left behind in 2003..
• Headline: Eddy Curry Observes Knicks' Fast-Break Drills. Impact: Eddy Curry's indecision and questionable fitness choices led to an entire generation of basketball players starting their careers with a gym membership but ending with a Netflix subscription. Thanks, Eddy!. Fact: Fun fact: Eddy Curry's heart condition actually inspired the creation of the 'Couch Potato' award for athletes who excel at doing absolutely nothing productive..
• Headline: Downtown Board Criticizes Pataki for Barring Museum. Impact: Pataki's decision to ban the museum resulted in a decades-long feud over what constitutes a proper memorial, leading to an entire generation of New Yorkers debating whether a hot dog stand or a museum is more culturally significant.. Fact: Did you know that this controversy spurred more angry letters than any other decision Pataki made? Apparently, people are very passionate about where they can learn about history while eating a pretzel..
• Headline: No Prior Qaeda Link Found in Bali Bombing. Impact: The Bali bombing's lack of a Qaeda link inadvertently set off a global trend of conspiracy theories, leading to the rise of online forums where every event is dissected as a covert government operation. Seriously, just Google 'pigeon spies'.. Fact: In an alternate universe, the bombers decided to start a band instead of committing terrorism, which ironically led to a much more peaceful Bali and a hit record titled 'Bombs Away!'..