SEPTEMBER 14, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Grand Challenge: Robotic Vehicle Innovation. Impact: If Stanley hadn’t raced ahead in 2005, we might still be stuck in traffic with our human-driven cars. Future generations could have been left struggling to parallel park, leading to a global shortage of parking lots and an increase in road rage incidents. Thanks, Stanley!. Fact: Did you know that in the future, people will blame their failure to learn how to drive on Stanley's victory? 'It was all downhill from there,' they'll say, while climbing into their hoverboards..
• Headline: Subprime Mortgages Disproportionately Impact Blacks. Impact: The subprime mortgage crisis of 2008 might have been avoided if this survey led to better lending practices. Instead, the financial industry decided to continue its game of Monopoly with real people’s lives, leading to a rather interesting economic meltdown. Who knew a bad loan could trigger a global recession?. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate timeline, they invented a magical mortgage that didn't discriminate? Too bad this isn't that timeline, huh?.
• Headline: Persian Art Redefines Historical Narratives. Impact: This exhibit could lead to a resurgence in Persian culture, making it the next big trend in the 21st century. Hipsters might start wearing togas and sipping Persian tea instead of that boring old Greek coffee. Talk about a cultural renaissance!. Fact: Did you know that ancient Persians had more advanced technology than some modern countries? If only they had Instagram to showcase their achievements—#PersianPride!.
• Headline: President Says He's Responsible in Storm Lapses. Impact: Bush’s admission of responsibility might have led to a national reevaluation of leadership accountability. Or, it could have just resulted in a lot of politicians learning how to play the blame game better. Spoiler alert: it’s the latter.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, some people will still think saying 'I take responsibility' is the same as actually doing something about it? Classic!.