AUGUST 15, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Struggle Over Service Charges in Dining. Impact: If only servers had harnessed the power of the service charge earlier, we might have avoided the Great Tipping War of 2025, which led to a global shortage of small change—who knew pennies could be so politically charged?. Fact: In some countries, tipping is considered rude. Imagine the horror of American tourists trying to navigate that minefield!.
• Headline: P.G.A. Championship: Pros Run the Course. Impact: The P.G.A. Championship's weather delays paved the way for the rise of couch golf, a sport where fans watch from their homes while pretending to putt using their remote control—definitely not as physically demanding!. Fact: Golf was once considered a sport for the elite, but now it's just a reason to wear plaid and drive around in a golf cart while sipping on overpriced drinks..
• Headline: 121 are Killed as Jet Crashes Outside Athens. Impact: This tragic crash led to increased safety regulations in aviation, which ironically also paved the way for the invention of in-flight yoga classes—because nothing says 'safety' like downward dog at 30,000 feet.. Fact: Air travel has become so safe that we often forget it was once the stuff of science fiction. Just imagine telling someone in the 1920s that planes would crash less often than their dinner parties!.
• Headline: Murdoch and Clinton: An Unlikely Alliance. Impact: This unexpected alliance between Clinton and Murdoch sent shockwaves through the political landscape, ultimately leading to the bizarre phenomenon of political reality TV—because nothing says 'real' like staged arguments over cupcakes.. Fact: Murdoch and Clinton's alliance was so surprising that it almost made people forget about the existence of pineapple on pizza—almost..