JULY 25, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Congress Nears Energy Bill Agreement. Impact: The energy bill negotiations led to a series of misguided policies that encouraged everyone to invest in solar panels before they knew they were just glorified garden ornaments.. Fact: Did you know that Congress often negotiates energy bills? It's like watching a group of toddlers arguing over a toy—mostly chaotic with a hint of 'who even cares?'.
• Headline: Penn Station Evacuated After Bomb Threat. Impact: The bomb threat at Penn Station sparked an endless cycle of overzealous security measures that would eventually lead to the invention of the 'pat-down dance,' a modern art form that no one asked for.. Fact: You know it's a bad day when your biggest concern at the station is whether your sandwich will make it through security rather than an actual bomb. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: 4 Major Unions Plan to Boycott A.F.L.-C.I.O. Event. Impact: The unions' boycott of the A.F.L.-C.I.O. led to the creation of a rival organization that literally turned into a trendier version of the original—complete with artisanal coffee breaks and yoga sessions.. Fact: Who knew that labor unions could be so dramatic? It's like high school all over again, but with more paperwork and fewer locker slams..