JUNE 27, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Conservatives Urge Caution in Justice Selection. Impact: Had President Bush listened to the Right's plea and avoided a Kennedy, we might have seen a Supreme Court that ruled against deciding elections based on popular votes. Who knows? Maybe we'd all be living in a dystopian alternate reality where cats are the supreme rulers.. Fact: Did you know that if you avoid a Kennedy, you might end up with a McConnell? Talk about picking your poison!.
• Headline: Heir Takes Charge at McGraw-Hill. Impact: With Harold W McGraw III at the helm, McGraw-Hill flourished, leading to an explosion of educational resources. This eventually resulted in a generation of students who were slightly less confused about algebra, but still baffled by adulting.. Fact: Fun fact: The stock market is basically a giant game of musical chairs, and when the music stops, you just hope you’re not left standing without a chair or a decent retirement plan..
• Headline: Growing Tensions: Japan and China Relations. Impact: The hesitancy of Japanese investors in China led to a butterfly effect where sushi became a hot commodity in other countries, and suddenly everyone thought they were a culinary expert. Thanks, anti-Japanese protests!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'sushi is my spirit animal' became popular around the same time? Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: You've Read the Gossip; Still Want to See the Movie?. Impact: The slump in movie box office sales resulted in Hollywood realizing they could just remake every movie ever made, leading to an endless stream of sequels, prequels, and reboots that would eventually make us nostalgic for the days of VHS tapes.. Fact: Did you know that the box office slump was so bad it made 'Batman Begins' look like a blockbuster? Imagine if they realized they could just cast a cat as Batman—instant box office gold!.