JUNE 16, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chocolate Factory Adventure Gone Wild. Impact: If this woman hadn’t decided to get covered in chocolate, we might have never had the Cake Wars reality show, leading to a world where baking is just a boring pastime instead of a competitive blood sport. Thanks, chocolate lady!. Fact: Did you know that chocolate was once used as currency? So technically, this woman was just making a very expensive deposit!.
• Headline: Yonkers Schools Chief Faces Indictment. Impact: The indictment of the Yonkers schools chief opened the floodgates for a wave of educational reforms, resulting in future superintendents hiring only from the best potato sack races. Because, clearly, integrity is overrated.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complicated than school hiring processes is the plot of a soap opera. Spoiler alert: everyone ends up lying..
• Headline: Madden Joins NBC's Sunday Night Football. Impact: Madden joining NBC resulted in a universe where football commentary became synonymous with grumpy old men yelling about the past. Who knew nostalgia could be broadcasted on Sundays?. Fact: Did you know that John Madden's video game franchise was so popular, it basically created a generation of fans who think they know more about football than actual coaches? Thanks, Madden!.
• Headline: Brownstone That Has Eight Lives to Go. Impact: The preservation of this brownstone inadvertently sparked a trend of people thinking they could turn any old shed into a ‘historic landmark,’ leading to a world filled with overpriced ‘vintage’ sheds. Thank you, NYC!. Fact: Fun fact: In New York, anything can be landmarked if you just slap a ‘historical’ label on it. This includes the sandwich shop where someone once ate a sandwich in 1978..