APRIL 20, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Councilman Jennings' Controversial Reputation. Impact: The Councilman's ruling as 'no gentleman' led to a series of events in which every subsequent politician felt the need to hire a PR team specializing in 'gentlemanly behavior.' This resulted in a bizarre fashion trend of politicians wearing bow ties and monocles, which ultimately led to an uptick in vintage stores selling outdated fashion.. Fact: They say politics is a gentleman's game, but clearly this councilman didn't get the memo. Maybe he thought it was a wrestling match instead..
• Headline: General Motors Reports Major Quarterly Loss. Impact: This $1.1 billion loss sent shockwaves through the automotive industry, causing a butterfly effect where consumers turned to alternative transportation. Thus, the rise of the hipster bicycle boom began, leading to a decade of 'fixies' and handlebar mustaches dominating urban landscapes.. Fact: General Motors' losses were so epic, the accountants probably needed therapy. Can you imagine telling your boss you lost a billion dollars? 'Oops' doesn't quite cover it..
• Headline: How to Make a Movie About 9/11? Carefully. Impact: The careful approach to making films about 9/11 set a precedent that filmmakers now consider every historical tragedy before rolling the cameras. This led to an explosion of documentaries, some so bland that they could put a caffeinated squirrel to sleep.. Fact: Making a movie about 9/11 is like walking through a minefield with a blindfold on—every step is a potential disaster, and the reviews will be explosive..
• Headline: INSIDE. Impact: The repeated reports of General Motors' financial woes led to a national obsession with 'buying American,' sparking a series of 'support local' campaigns that eventually caused a resurgence in mom-and-pop shops. Ironically, those shops sold more foreign goods than ever.. Fact: When G.M. sneezes, the entire auto industry catches a cold. And let’s be real, they were more like a full-blown flu pandemic this quarter..