APRIL 8, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jordi Savall: A Retrospective at The Met. Impact: Jordi Savall's retrospective at the Met inspired a renaissance of ancient music which inadvertently led to an underground movement of hipster lute players in Brooklyn, proving that even the most obscure instruments can spark a trend if you dress them up right.. Fact: Did you know that the bass viol was so popular in the 17th century that it had its own fan club? They called themselves the 'Violists Anonymous'..
• Headline: FDA Issues Painkiller Warnings. Impact: The FDA's stern warnings about painkillers sent shockwaves through the pharmaceutical industry, leading to a bizarre timeline where people started using herbal remedies, resulting in a sudden spike in the number of people wearing hemp sandals and chanting in parks.. Fact: Did you know that Bextra was so popular that it had its own fan club too? They called themselves 'Pain Pill Enthusiasts'..
• Headline: Minerva's Gaze: Statues in Dialogue. Impact: Minerva's unwavering gaze at Lady Liberty became a symbol of eternal vigilance, which inspired a series of reality TV shows where statues judged the behavior of tourists, resulting in a world where bronze figures became the arbiters of social norms.. Fact: Did you know that Minerva once tried to get a selfie with the Statue of Liberty, but her arms were too stiff? Talk about a missed photo op!.
• Headline: Hello, Death? NO!!!. Impact: As 'On Golden Pond' premiered with the legendary James Earl Jones, audiences were so moved that they began to reevaluate their own relationships, leading to a surge in therapy sessions, and a strange phenomenon where ducks became the go-to therapist for the aging population.. Fact: Did you know that 'On Golden Pond' has been performed in 42 different languages? Sadly, duck was never one of them..
• Headline: New Love, Beckoning All Old Gits. Impact: Prince Charles and Camilla's wedding prompted a mass existential crisis among New Yorkers, leading to a spike in spontaneous weddings, but only in the form of quirky themed ceremonies where everyone had to wear mismatched socks.. Fact: Did you know that after the wedding, the phrase 'Dashing madly down the aisle' became the unofficial motto for New York's 50-somethings? It's a shame they didn't take it literally..