JANUARY 22, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trenton's Controversial Road Fund Decision. Impact: Trenton's court skirmish set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that eventually led to the creation of a secret society of governors who exchanged tips on how to ignore court rulings. They now meet bi-annually in a pizza parlor to plot their next moves. Fact: Did you know the phrase 'political contributor' is just a fancy way of saying 'person who buys influence'? It's like buying a lottery ticket but with less chance of winning and more chance of losing your integrity.
• Headline: Mystery in Iraq as $300 Million is Taken Abroad. Impact: The mystery of the missing $300 million became a plot point in a popular crime drama, inspiring a generation of aspiring thieves to believe they could pull off heists as well as the fictional characters in their favorite shows, leading to a dramatic rise in 'professional' crime. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked the amount of money taken out of Iraq's Central Bank, it would be taller than the tallest building in the world? Too bad it was used for tanks instead of, say, building schools.
• Headline: Kicking the Tires on the Next Humvees. Impact: The gathering of military contractors led to a breakthrough in vehicle design, resulting in the first-ever armored golf carts. These became wildly popular with retirees who wanted to feel safe while hitting the greens, thus creating a new niche market. Fact: Did you know that the Humvee was originally designed for war, not for off-roading in suburban neighborhoods? Yet, here we are, watching people use them for school runs and grocery shopping like it's a rite of passage.