JANUARY 20, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Theater Royal Bath's As You Like It Review. Impact: If only Shakespeare had set 'As You Like It' in a dystopian future where everyone had to wear clown shoes and juggle chainsaws, we might have avoided the entire 'clown college' industry that plagues us today. Thanks, Ben Brantley, for opening that portal.. Fact: Did you know Shakespeare's original title was 'As You Like It, But Only If You're Not a Complete Jerk'? Just kidding, that would have made the play far too relatable..
• Headline: Changes in Sheik's Terror Case Focus. Impact: The Sheik's case was like a game of legal Jenga; every time you thought it was stable, someone pulled out a block and the whole thing collapsed. This led to a nationwide crisis of confidence in how we handle accusations of terrorism—thank you, Sheik!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Sheikh' actually means 'old man'? So, while he may have been funneling money, he probably just wanted to buy a nice rocking chair..
• Headline: NYC's Ambitious Stadium Plans Controversy. Impact: New York's eagerness for a stadium was like a kid on Christmas morning, only to find out Santa is actually just a guy in a questionable suit. This enthusiasm eventually led to the 2020 Olympic bid debacle, where everyone decided to host the games in their imagination instead.. Fact: Did you know that New York City has more stadium proposals than it has functioning subway lines? Talk about priorities!.
• Headline: Public Voicing Doubts on Iraq and the Economy, Poll Finds. Impact: Public doubt about Iraq and the economy became the precursor to countless memes about political ineptitude. These doubts transformed into a 24-hour news cycle of outrage that fuels social media today, turning everyone into a part-time political analyst.. Fact: Did you know that polls are just like your ex's opinions—everyone has one, and nobody really takes them seriously?.
• Headline: Stewart's Comeback. Impact: Martha Stewart's comeback was the spark that ignited the 'Felons Can Be Fabulous' movement, leading to celebrity cooking shows featuring ex-cons. Who knew that prison time could be such a great marketing strategy?. Fact: Did you know that Martha Stewart once served time for insider trading? Now that's what I call a 'baked' good!.