JANUARY 6, 2005

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rutgers Upsets LSU in Overtime Thriller. Impact: The Rutgers women’s basketball team’s win sparked a nationwide interest in women's sports, leading to a butterfly effect where a future generation of girls decided to pick up a basketball instead of a tiara. This indirectly contributed to the decline of the tiara industry. Sorry, royal families!. Fact: Did you know that if Rutgers women’s team had lost, the universe might have collapsed under the weight of disappointment? Just kidding, but every upset counts!.
• Headline: Wickedly Perfect: A Culinary Challenge Begins. Impact: The launch of 'Wickedly Perfect' led to a surge in reality TV shows, which ultimately culminated in the rise of a certain orange-faced individual who loves to tweet. Thanks, Alessandra, for this delightful chain reaction!. Fact: Fun fact: Reality television was initially invented to distract the masses from their actual reality. Look how well that worked out!.
• Headline: Eastchester Ends Domestic Partner Health Benefits. Impact: Eastchester’s decision to rescind health benefits set a dangerous precedent, resulting in a not-so-distant future where employers offer 'complimentary hugs' instead of health coverage. The economy? Who needs it!. Fact: Did you know that cutting health benefits was actually just a clever ruse to encourage more employees to embrace their inner 'DIY' doctors? Who needs medical school anyway?.
• Headline: Two Studies Suggest a Protein Has a Big Role in Heart Disease. Impact: The discovery regarding protein and heart disease led to a world where everyone suddenly became obsessed with their protein intake, creating a protein powder shortage that left gym-goers in a state of panic. Ironically, this increased the demand for cupcakes. Thanks, science!. Fact: Did you know that before this study, people thought 'protein' was just a fancy word for 'tasty'? Turns out, it’s also related to heart health. Who knew?.
• Headline: In Brooklyn, Prosecutor's Race Is Grudge Match. Impact: The Brooklyn DA race turned into a circus, and the ensuing chaos prompted a series of political thrillers that made Hollywood richer and voters poorer. Who knew that confusion could be so profitable?. Fact: Fun fact: The more political intrigue there is, the more likely it is that at least one candidate will have a cat named 'Whiskers of Justice.' True story..