NOVEMBER 29, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Syracuse's Onondaga Lake Cleanup Initiative. Impact: The cleanup of Onondaga Lake prompted a nationwide wave of lake cleanups, leading to the shocking discovery that many people actually liked fishing in clean water. Who would have thought? This led to a resurgence in environmental activism, ultimately resulting in a world where fish don't glow in the dark anymore.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more polluted than Onondaga Lake was the amount of corporate red tape Honeywell had to navigate to get there? It's like a game of Monopoly, but with real consequences!.
• Headline: Year-End Bonus Discussions at Wall Street Firms. Impact: The decision on Wall Street bonuses set off a chain reaction that led to a global shortage of fancy pens and overpriced champagne, as executives fought over who could splurge the most. This eventually contributed to the rise of 'executive gifting' as a new industry.. Fact: Did you know that while executives were busy figuring out their bonuses, the rest of the world was just trying to figure out how to pay their rent? But hey, at least someone was having fun, right?.
• Headline: Internet Access, Delivered From Above. Impact: The challenge to phone companies by TowerStream not only revolutionized internet access but also inadvertently led to a series of increasingly ridiculous Wi-Fi names, making coffee shops the new battleground for hipster creativity.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing faster than the internet speed they promised was the rate at which customer service went downhill? Good luck getting a human on the line!.
• Headline: Shadow of Vietnam Falls Over Iraq River Raids. Impact: The haunting memories of Vietnam during Iraq's river raids reminded everyone that history tends to repeat itself, like bad sequels in Hollywood. This led to a renewed interest in history classes, just so students could learn how to avoid those mistakes. Spoiler: they didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing scarier than a river raid is the realization that some of these tactics were still being taught? It's like watching a horror movie and thinking, 'People actually do that?!'.