AUGUST 27, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Brown Bunny: A Cinematic Exploration. Impact: Vincent Gallo's 'The Brown Bunny' leads to a cinematic renaissance of self-indulgent arthouse films, inspiring generations of directors to think, 'If I can make a movie about my existential crisis, so can I!' The ripple leads to an influx of painfully long, self-reflective films that only hipsters and film students will ever appreciate.. Fact: Did you know that 'The Brown Bunny' was so polarizing that it inspired more debates about artistic merit than actual enjoyment? It's the film equivalent of a fruitcake at Christmas—everyone talks about it, but no one really wants it!.
• Headline: Exploring George W. Bush's Legacy. Impact: This review of George W. Bush's legacy leads to countless late-night debates and a rise in coffee shop discussions about political dynasties, causing the phrase 'following in your father's footsteps' to become the most overused excuse for mediocrity in politics.. Fact: Did you know that George W. Bush and his father, George H.W. Bush, have created a dynasty that rivals the Kardashians? Because nothing says 'American dream' like a lifetime of political legacy and a family tree that looks more like a shrub!.
• Headline: U.S. Dominates Men's 200-Meter Race. Impact: The U.S. Olympic men's 200-meter sweep inadvertently leads to a national obsession with sprinting, resulting in a spike in track and field participation, gym memberships, and countless social media posts of people running at an alarming pace—often just to catch the bus.. Fact: Did you know that after this Olympic sweep, the phrase 'I run like the wind' was forever tarnished by the realization that most people run only when being chased by dogs or their own bad decisions?.
• Headline: Army's Report Faults General In Prison Abuse. Impact: The Abu Ghraib report becomes a pivotal moment in military ethics, sparking debates about accountability and leading to a new generation of documentaries that focus on the dark side of war—because nothing says 'classy' like reliving your nation's worst mistakes.. Fact: Did you know that the Abu Ghraib scandal turned into a case study in ethics classes worldwide? Because when you think 'war crimes,' you also think 'teaching tool!'.
• Headline: Even Protesters Ignore Queens, And It Shrugs. Impact: This column about protest locations at the Republican National Convention leads to a surge in urban planning discussions, ultimately resulting in cities everywhere realizing they should probably consider where people want to protest—a revolutionary idea, I know!. Fact: Did you know that Queens has been historically overlooked so often that it might just be the most relatable borough? It's the place where even protests are too busy to stop by. Sorry, Queens!.