AUGUST 9, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversy Over 1996 Real Estate Deal. Impact: If only New Haven had competitive bidding, we might have ended up with a Starbucks on every corner instead of the existential dread of gentrified coffee culture. Thanks, Rowland Friend!. Fact: Real estate is just a fancy term for 'who can charge the most for a roof over your head'..
• Headline: Mystery Unfolds: Loch Ness Movie Buzz. Impact: Thanks to Zak Penn's 'mokumentary', we now have an entire genre dedicated to confusing audiences—what a gift to humanity. If only Nessie could've been the one to direct!. Fact: Loch Ness Monster sightings have declined significantly since the invention of smartphones. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Marc Salem's Mind Games in New York. Impact: Marc Salem's mind games have likely inspired countless people to try and outwit their friends at trivia night. The world is now filled with self-proclaimed mentalists, and it's terrifying.. Fact: Mentalists often get mistaken for magicians, but the only thing they usually pull out of a hat is an awkward silence..
• Headline: Permit Denial for Big Park Rally Adds to Push for Protests There. Impact: Denying a permit for a rally in Central Park? Brilliant! This will definitely lead to spontaneous protests everywhere—because nothing says 'freedom of speech' like a good ol' unapproved gathering.. Fact: Central Park is the only place where you can protest about literally anything while simultaneously trying to dodge tourists taking selfies..
• Headline: Metro Matters; Is a Fair Share In the Cards For New York?. Impact: By shortchanging New York on antiterrorism funds, the federal government inadvertently created a new underground economy of protest merchandise. 'I marched for my fair share' T-shirts will be a thing!. Fact: New York politicians are experts at asserting themselves—right after they finish their coffee and check Twitter..