JULY 19, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Evolving Advice for Singles in Evangelicalism. Impact: The rise of evangelical self-help literature leads to an unforeseen boom in dating apps 20 years later, as single evangelicals realize they can swipe right on theology just as easily as they can on a profile picture.. Fact: Did you know that the first self-help book was actually an ancient scroll advising people on how to avoid getting chased by wild animals? Apparently, 'dating' was just as dangerous back then..
• Headline: Iraq Reopens Radical Newspaper Al Hawza. Impact: Reopening of the newspaper causes a massive spike in readership, leading to a surge in citizen journalism. This results in the creation of the most sarcastic Twitter feed in history, giving rise to a generation that thrives on memes about political turmoil.. Fact: Fun fact: Moktada al-Sadr once considered starting a cooking show called 'Cooking with Chaos.' It never aired, but the recipes were to die for. Literally..
• Headline: A New Day for 'Big Bumpy'; Recycling a Cycling Haven in Queens. Impact: The revitalization of Kissena Velodrome inadvertently leads to an Olympic cycling event where all participants forget to pedal, resulting in a world record for the slowest race ever. The event becomes a viral sensation and is commemorated with a meme.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'velodrome' comes from the French term for 'place where cyclists go to ignore their responsibilities'? Okay, I made that up, but it should be true..
• Headline: Battling Terrorism in 'The Grid,' Clouded by Moral Complexities. Impact: The show's exploration of moral dilemmas sparks a global debate on ethics in warfare, leading to a rise in philosophy majors who, ironically, find themselves debating the meaning of life while working at coffee shops.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends more time watching shows about moral complexities than actually contemplating their own life choices? It's a wonder anyone knows what they stand for anymore..