JULY 8, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Phil's Final Bid for Marks & Spencer. Impact: If Marks & Spencer had declined the bid, the world might have been deprived of countless memes about overpriced socks, altering the very fabric of British humor!. Fact: Did you know that Marks & Spencer was once the go-to place for all things knitted and British? No wonder when they get a bid, it’s treated like a royal wedding!.
• Headline: Counselors Gain Influence in College Admissions. Impact: The wooing of guidance counselors could lead to a future where colleges are just glorified summer camps with better snacks. Who doesn’t want a degree in Extreme Frisbee?. Fact: Did you know that the first guidance counselor was actually just a very bored teacher? Now they’re being wooed like rock stars. Talk about a glow-up!.
• Headline: In First Final, Phelps Breaks Another Record. Impact: Phelps breaking records could have led to a future where every swimmer is expected to have a cape and superpowers. The Olympics might just become a superhero showcase!. Fact: Did you know that Michael Phelps consumes around 12,000 calories a day? That's like eating a small car just to swim like a dolphin!.