MAY 19, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dutch Phone Directories Go On Sale. Impact: If only the Netherlands had sold phone directories sooner, perhaps global telemarketers would have emerged as the most powerful force in the universe. Picture a world where spam calls ruled all, and we had to invent call-blocking technology before Wi-Fi was even a thing.. Fact: Did you know that at one point, people needed physical directories to find phone numbers? Shocking, I know! It's like trying to find a restaurant without Yelp..
• Headline: Randy Johnson Achieves Perfect Game. Impact: Randy Johnson's perfect game sent shockwaves through the universe, leading to the creation of the ultimate baseball fan club where only those who've witnessed perfection are allowed. This club eventually evolved into a cult that believes Johnson's performance can predict the weather.. Fact: Did you know that Randy Johnson's fastball was so fast, it could practically time travel? Too bad he didn't throw it to the future to avoid being a baseball legend!.
• Headline: The Conan Doyle Artifact Auction Controversy. Impact: The tussle over Conan Doyle's artifacts led to a series of bizarre time travel expeditions where scholars attempted to retrieve the artifacts themselves, inadvertently creating alternate timelines where Holmes solves cases using Google.. Fact: Did you know that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once believed in fairies? He was a real-life Sherlock Holmes of the supernatural, proving that even the greatest minds sometimes get lost in the woods of imagination..
• Headline: PANEL CRITICIZES NEW YORK ACTION IN SEPT. 11 ATTACK. Impact: The panel's criticism of New York's response to 9/11 sparked a bizarre series of conspiracy theories suggesting that the firefighters were actually secret agents sent to test the limits of human endurance. Spoiler alert: they were just heroes.. Fact: Did you know that the emergency planning was so poor that they might as well have used a magic 8-ball to decide on responses? 'Outlook not so good' would have been appropriate..