MAY 4, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Europe's Efforts to Save Alstom. Impact: If Sarkozy had let Alstom sink, we'd all be traveling in horse-drawn carriages or, worse, using public transportation that actually works. Imagine the chaos of well-functioning public transit systems. The horror!. Fact: Did you know that Alstom is responsible for some of those fancy trains that occasionally make it to their destinations? Just think, if they went bankrupt, we might have been stuck with trains that ran on optimism and good intentions..
• Headline: Brussels Challenges Music Royalty Agreements. Impact: The European Commission's warning led to a cascade of rule-bending agreements that turned music royalties into a bizarre game of Monopoly, where everyone lost except the lawyers. Thanks for the jam session, guys!. Fact: Did you know that music royalties are like the adult version of finding a quarter in your couch? Everyone wants it, but no one knows where it really came from or who deserves it..
• Headline: Treo: The Geek's Game-Changer Device. Impact: The Treo's rise to fame paved the way for our current obsession with smartphones. If it hadn't existed, we might still be carrying around flip phones and wondering why we don't have Wi-Fi in our pockets. Thanks, Treo, for setting the bar so high that we now expect our devices to do our taxes.. Fact: Did you know that the Treo was so groundbreaking that it made people forget how to use actual phones? Now we just tap, swipe, and complain about battery life!.
• Headline: Political Memo; Building a Name as an Advocate for Public Health. Impact: Bloomberg's budget for public health set a precedent for politicians who think throwing money at a problem counts as a solution. Spoiler alert: it usually doesn't. But hey, at least the hospitals got some shiny new equipment to collect dust.. Fact: Did you know that spending $200 million on public health is like giving a toddler a box of crayons? Sure, they might draw something pretty, but don’t expect it to make sense or be useful..