APRIL 28, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Retail Revolution Hits Brooklyn's Waterfront. Impact: The housing boom in Brooklyn led to an influx of hipsters who, ironically, would have spent their lives in peace if they hadn’t discovered artisanal pickles. This led to a worldwide epidemic of overpriced brunch spots and a national shortage of avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn was once just a sleepy borough? Now it's the trendsetter for every overpriced lifestyle choice. Thanks, gentrification!.
• Headline: Canada's Innovative Stock Symbol Changes. Impact: The decision to alter stock symbols in Canada led to a global confusion about what currency to invest in, which eventually resulted in people investing in Beanie Babies instead. The economy is still recovering.. Fact: Did you know that stock symbols can be more confusing than a toddler’s crayon drawing? Just like this headline, they often leave you wondering what you just read..
• Headline: Long Island Philharmonic Faces Financial Crisis. Impact: The financial troubles of the Long Island Philharmonic set off a chain reaction in the arts community, triggering a nationwide movement of orchestras to start selling 'I <3 Classical Music' T-shirts to fund their deficits. Fashion meets finance!. Fact: Did you know that orchestras are often funded by wealthy patrons? If only those patrons could hear the missed notes from the empty seats!.
• Headline: Damascus Hit By a Bombing And a Gunfight. Impact: The bombing in Damascus not only destabilized the region but also led to a surge in conspiracy theories about who was really behind it. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t the squirrels. The repercussions of such events continue to fuel a never-ending cycle of conflict.. Fact: Did you know that conflict has been a staple of human history? It seems we never learn, but at least we have a dramatic soundtrack to accompany our tragedies..