APRIL 10, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bush Ends Fundraising, Kerry Steps Up Efforts. Impact: If only Bush had held a bake sale instead. Imagine a world where American politics were funded by cupcakes and cookies. Kerry would have had to learn how to bake, and who knows? Maybe we’d all be healthier because of it.. Fact: Did you know that the average American could fund a small country with the amount of money spent on presidential campaigns? But hey, who needs health care when you can donate to a political ad?.
• Headline: Cejka's Journey: From War to Golf Stardom. Impact: Cejka’s journey from war to golf is a reminder that the next Tiger Woods could come from anywhere—even a war zone. Who knew that mastering golf could be the ultimate escape from a childhood filled with chaos? Talk about a hole in one!. Fact: Did you know that golf is often considered a 'gentleman's game'? Which is ironic, considering how many tantrums happen on the course. Guess we just need more war-torn childhoods to keep the sport from getting too civilized..
• Headline: Pentagon's Proposal for Foreign Airlines Contracts. Impact: The Pentagon opening contracts to foreign airlines is just like that time your friend borrowed your favorite shirt and never gave it back. Next thing you know, the Air Force will be taking advice from budget airlines on how to charge for carry-ons.. Fact: Did you know that the Pentagon has a budget larger than some small countries? So, why not let foreign airlines join the party? Just think of the frequent flyer miles they could rack up!.
• Headline: Fighting Halts Briefly in Falluja; U.S. Convoy Hit Near Baghdad. Impact: This cease-fire was like a quick coffee break for war—everyone pretends to relax while secretly plotting the next move. The pause in violence might have inspired an entire genre of war poetry about the beauty of temporary peace... or not.. Fact: Did you know that during cease-fires, soldiers often engage in informal chats? Because nothing says 'let's stop shooting' like discussing the weather and the latest gossip from home..
• Headline: Rose Earns Bow, and Palmer Bows Out. Impact: Justin Rose taking the lead while Arnold Palmer bows out is a beautiful metaphor for life: one generation’s end is another’s beginning. Or, as golf fans say, ‘One man's birdie is another man's bogey.’. Fact: Did you know that Arnold Palmer is often credited with popularizing golf in America? That's right; he turned a sport for the elite into something everyone flails at on weekends. Thanks, Arnold!.