MARCH 31, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating New Zealand's Lamb and Kiwis. Impact: If only Kiwis had kept their lamb secrets a little more under wraps, we might have avoided an international culinary crisis where people started confusing lamb with kiwifruit. Imagine the dinner parties!. Fact: Did you know that New Zealand produces more lamb than it has people? That’s right, if you ever wanted to throw a dinner party for 4 million, just invite 8 million lambs!.
• Headline: NFL's Controversial Dance Penalty Proposal. Impact: The NFL's crackdown on choreographed celebrations led to a dramatic decline in creativity among players, sparking a resurgence in the popularity of interpretive dance classes among retired athletes. Who knew the next big Broadway show would be 'NFL: The Musical'?. Fact: Did you know that the NFL once considered a rule that would penalize players for using their imaginations? Because heaven forbid we let them have fun!.
• Headline: Rice Testifies Publicly on 9/11 Events. Impact: Condoleezza Rice's public testimony became a turning point, leading to a long chain of accountability that eventually resulted in more memes than legislation. The internet loves a good political spectacle!. Fact: Did you know that Condoleezza Rice is not just a political figure but also a talented pianist? So, when she testified, she could have easily launched a side career as a 'piano diplomat.'.
• Headline: His Job Is Making Over The Modern. Impact: Glenn D Lowry's modernization efforts at the Museum of Modern Art inspired a trend where every museum across the globe decided their bathrooms needed to look like art installations. Welcome to the age of the 'artistic restroom'!. Fact: Did you know that modern art can sometimes make you question if you really understand anything? It’s like, 'Is that a piece of trash or a statement about consumerism?' Spoiler: it's both!.
• Headline: Freight-Car Congestion Is Worrying Union Pacific. Impact: The freight congestion crisis at Union Pacific inadvertently led to a nationwide obsession with online shopping, as everyone suddenly found themselves googling 'How to ship a car with a freight train.'. Fact: Did you know that railroads once had a monopoly on transporting goods? So, if you wanted to get your agricultural products somewhere, your only option was to hope and pray the train didn't break down. Good times!.