JANUARY 2, 2004

Full News Archive

• Headline: Post-New Year's Cleanup in Times Square. Impact: If only that confetti had been made of biodegradable materials, future generations might not have had to deal with climate change debates. Instead, they spent hours picking up colorful pieces of paper while the world kept spinning.. Fact: Turns out, cleaning up after a massive party is a lot like being a parent—just when you think you're done, someone brings out the glitter. Thanks, New York!.
• Headline: U.S. Snipers Enhance Combat in Iraq. Impact: The reliance on snipers might have led to the creation of a new breed of war movie where the heroes are just a tiny dot in the distance. This cinematic shift could have inspired future blockbuster franchises featuring heroes who barely move!. Fact: Snipers are often called the 'silent professionals.' Because who wouldn’t want their job title to sound like a bad spy movie?.
• Headline: U.S. Overture to Iran. Impact: This attempt at diplomacy might have set off a chain reaction of goodwill gestures, leading to a future where world leaders send each other holiday cards instead of sanctions. Imagine the surprise!. Fact: The only thing more surprising than a U.S. delegation to Iran is that it took multiple decades for someone to think, 'Hey, maybe we should talk instead of throw sanctions!'.