DECEMBER 10, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the World Trade Center's Legacy. Impact: If the Towers had never been built, perhaps the 21st century would have been filled with more quaint coffee shops instead of existential dread. Who knew a few steel beams could alter the course of global politics and conspiracy theories for decades?. Fact: Did you know that before the Towers, New York City was just known for its bagels and overpriced rent? The Towers really took the skyline to a whole new level… literally..
• Headline: McGreevey Rejects Proposed Gasoline Tax Increase. Impact: McGreevey’s refusal to raise the gas tax is like a butterfly flapping its wings in New Jersey, causing a decade of potholes and angry drivers. If only he had considered the ripple effect of his indecision on road rage!. Fact: Did you know that gas tax debates are basically the Super Bowl for politicians? Everyone shows up, nobody really wins, and the audience just ends up more frustrated than before..
• Headline: Indigenous Struggle in the Amazon Basin. Impact: Indigenous resistance to oil companies means that the Amazon might be the last place on Earth where you can’t hear someone yelling about the latest app. Who knew that a few brave souls could keep the world’s last green lungs from becoming a parking lot?. Fact: Did you know that while oil companies are busy destroying the Amazon, you can still find untouched areas by simply looking at a map labeled 'not a good idea'?.
• Headline: Russian Oil Deal Seems to Be Heading for Divorce. Impact: The impending divorce of the Russian oil deal sent shockwaves through markets, leading to a future where people discuss oil prices more than their personal relationships. Thanks, Russia, for making our gas budget more complicated than our dating life!. Fact: Did you know that oil deals can break up faster than most celebrity marriages? Apparently, in the world of geopolitics, love is just a four-letter word for 'profit'..