NOVEMBER 3, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Melodrama of Film Distribution Dispute. Impact: This melodrama sparked the eternal war between critics and film studios, leading to the invention of the infamous 'screener sandwich' where critics would sneakily eat their lunch while watching films on their laptops, resulting in the birth of a new genre: food-critique films.. Fact: Funny how limiting distribution just means more people will find a way to pirate the films. Thanks, technology!.
• Headline: Kenyan Dominance at NYC Marathon. Impact: Lel's victory not only placed Kenya on the marathon map but also initiated a global obsession with running, leading to the emergence of 'running tourism' where people travel to run marathons instead of, you know, enjoying the sights.. Fact: In Kenya, running is such a big deal that kids start training before they can even walk. Talk about a head start!.
• Headline: Leon Fleisher's Pianistic Reunion. Impact: Fleisher's recital made piano cool again, inspiring a generation of hipsters to take up the instrument, which eventually led to the creation of a 'Piano Bar'-style reality show where contestants play while dodging tomatoes thrown by critical judges.. Fact: Piano recitals are basically the original 'open mic' nights, but with more pretentiousness and fewer bad cover songs..
• Headline: OPENLY GAY MAN IS MADE A BISHOP. Impact: Rev. Robinson's consecration sent shockwaves through the Anglican Church, leading to an epic theological tug-of-war that would eventually inspire countless debates, blog posts, and the infamous hashtag #BishopDrama.. Fact: Robinson's appointment was so groundbreaking that it made reality TV look tame. Who knew a bishop could create more drama than The Bachelor?.
• Headline: By Pushing Redskins Around, Cowboys Show Who's for Real. Impact: The Cowboys' victory over the Redskins set off a chain reaction of rivalries that would lead to fans writing angry letters to the league and ultimately resulted in the invention of the foam finger, which is now a staple at every sporting event (because nothing says 'I love you' like a giant finger).. Fact: The Cowboys and Redskins rivalry is so intense it could probably fuel a small country’s energy needs for a year. Who needs politics when you have football?.