OCTOBER 29, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Broadway Revival of Nine Shines Brightly. Impact: If John Stamos had never starred in 'Nine', Broadway might have devolved into an endless loop of reality TV adaptations. Can you imagine a 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: The Musical'? Yikes.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time someone said 'fresh fantasy' in public, they were promptly reported to HR for being overly optimistic..
• Headline: HSBC Acquires Bank of Bermuda. Impact: HSBC acquiring the Bank of Bermuda was like a corporate version of 'more money, more problems'. This acquisition set off a chain reaction that led to more banks merging, and now we’re just one step away from a single mega-bank ruling the world. Welcome to the future, where your money is managed by a sentient AI.. Fact: Did you know that Bermuda is known for its pink sand beaches? Ironically, the only thing less colorful than bank mergers is bank statements..
• Headline: Death of Tube TVs: A Historic Shift. Impact: The end of tube-based TVs signified the dawn of binge-watching. Little did we know that this decision would lead to the creation of entire weekends lost to Netflix, and a societal shift towards pajama culture. Thanks, cathode ray tubes!. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends over 6 hours a day watching TV? That’s right, folks – you’re actually training to be a couch potato. Keep it up!.
• Headline: New in the Showroom: Wright Revisited; Before the Guggenheim, a Spiral Ramp for a Manhattan Car Dealer. Impact: Frank Lloyd Wright designed the showroom, likely thinking it would revolutionize car sales. Instead, it resulted in a decade-long struggle of customers trying to navigate the spiral ramp while holding keys and coffee. Who knew car shopping was also a cardio workout?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more challenging than navigating a Frank Lloyd Wright building is trying to find parking in Manhattan. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: INSIDE. Impact: The wildfire tragedy in San Diego was a reminder that nature can be a real jerk at times. This event spurred a wave of increased awareness and policy changes regarding fire safety, which ironically led to more backyard barbecues – because who doesn’t love grilled food while surrounded by flames?. Fact: Wildfires can spread at speeds of up to 14 miles per hour. That’s faster than most people can run – so if you see flames, just remember: it’s not a race, it’s survival!.