OCTOBER 28, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debating the Anthropic Principle. Impact: This debate on the anthropic principle led to countless nerdy arguments at parties through the ages, resulting in the eventual rise of the phrase 'but what if we're just in a simulation?' becoming a go-to conversation starter for those who can't get dates. Fact: Did you know that if you argue about the universe long enough, you might just end up alone in your room with your cat? Not that it's a bad life.
• Headline: Defending Los Angeles from Wildfires. Impact: The desperate stand against the blaze set a precedent for future generations' attempts to save cities, leading to the birth of fire-resistant fashion trends and a new line of superhero movies featuring firefighters with superpowers. Fact: Firefighters are to be commended for their bravery, but it's worth noting that they also have to deal with the occasional person throwing a party in the middle of a wildfire. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Germany's Schering Reports Impressive Profits. Impact: Schering's profit posting inspired countless other companies to post profits as well, leading to the rise of 'profit posting parties'—a bizarre trend where executives celebrate financial success by dancing around spreadsheets. Fact: Profit is a lot like a unicorn; everyone talks about it, but most people have never seen one in real life.
• Headline: Women May Be From Venus, but Men Are From Hunger. Impact: This book review solidified the notion that gender differences could be humorously exaggerated, paving the way for countless sitcoms and self-help books that would make poor relationship advice into a billion-dollar industry. Fact: If men are indeed from hunger, then we need to have a serious talk about snack preferences and that ridiculous debate over pineapple on pizza.